when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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