Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist