Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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