Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say