I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
50% drunk capacity currently
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.