I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
