She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
