it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm