It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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