is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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