Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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