there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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