Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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