his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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