Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
