Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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