just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
