Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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