Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
