i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My ass is underappreciated
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
