he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
FUCK WHALES
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
