Swine flu. Run for my life!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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