hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
