shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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