Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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