you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
