I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
