She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
