I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
