I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
