you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
