Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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