shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
