So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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