i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
