She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
the raccoons are back...
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