Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
