I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
