He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
