ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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