I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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