you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
