so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
