I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
