Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
