It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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