You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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