When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
