Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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