I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
