I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
