Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
