Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
