He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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