You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
