R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
