Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
