I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
