Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
