I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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