Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
