Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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