It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We have so much sex to catch up on
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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