I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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