He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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