After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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