So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
