I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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