Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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