my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
