A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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