I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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