I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize