You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
