well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
