Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What a dumb baby whore.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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