my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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