He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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