sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
