There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
