I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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