sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
