I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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