why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
