wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
