Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
