God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
