Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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